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My name is Sam Buckley I am the author of malignant self-love narcissism revisited the dissolution of the abusers marriage or other meaningful relationships constitutes major life crisis the scathing narcissistic injury to soothe and solve the pain of disillusionment the narcissist administers to his aching soul a mixture of lies distortions half-truths and outlandish interpretations of events all abusers present with rigid and infantile or primitive defense mechanisms splitting projecting projective identification denial intellectualization in losses but some abusers go further and they D compensate by resorting to self delusion unable to face the dismal failures that they are such losses is partially withdraw from reality and adopt one of a few possible scenarios and solutions first one is the masochistic avoidant solution the abuser directs sample of the fury that he feels the rage some of it inwards punishing himself for his failure this masochistic behavior has the added benefit of forcing be abusers closest to assume the roles of dismayed speculative speculators or of persecutors and thus in a way to fame the attention that he craves self-administered punishment often manifests as self-handicapping masochism a cop-out like undermining his work his relationships and his efforts the increasingly fragile fragile abuser avoids additional tension stress criticism and seizure negative supply self-inflicted failure is the abusers doing and proves that he is still in control still the master of his own life he chooses to fail masochistic abuses keep finding themselves in such defeating circumstances which renders success impossible and as Malin put it an objective assessment of their performance improbable they act carelessly they withdraw in mid effort they are constantly fatigued bored oh disaffected and thus passively aggressively sabotage their lives their suffering is defined and by declining to abort they reassert their own evidence the abusers pronounced in public misery in surfeiting our compensatory and again to quote Mellon reinforce the abusers self-esteem against overwhelming convictions of worthlessness the narcissistic abuses tribulations and anguish render him neas in his own eyes unique saintly virtuous righteous resilient and significant they are in other words self generated narcissistic supply thus are anoxic 'le the worst the gnosis is anguish and unhappiness after a dissolved relationship the more relieved and elated such an abuser feels he is liberated and unshackled by his own self initiated abandonment that's the way he presents it at least he never really wanted this commitment he tells any willing or buttonhole listener and any how their relationship was doomed from the beginning by the egregious excesses and exploits of his meaningful other its wife his partner his friend or his boss then there is the delusional narrative this this kind of abuser constructs a narrative in which he figures as the hero he is brilliant perfect he resisted Lee Hanson destined for great things titled powerful wealthy center of attention and soul the bigger the strain on this delusional charade in other words the greater the gap between fantasy and reality the more.